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The Intergalactic Presidency of Marianne Williamson

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June 28, 2019
The Intergalactic Presidency of Marianne Williamson
(Art Hannah Yoest; photo Getty Images)

Kamala may have won the second democratic debate in a practical sense but Marianne won all the debates in a galactic sense by out-weirding everyone else. Sure, Surfer Tulsi was strange with her pro-Assad views and her fan base of Russian bots. Sure, the Miami stage included a noted groundhog killer and a guy who looks like a sports anchor from a local station in Toledo and is obsessed with taking fire away from old people. But none of them could touch the intergalactic candidate Marianne Williamson and her Goop-like spirit-speak.

Yes, Kamala may have won the debates but the American people are in a Marianne mindset.

Topping the Google searches after the second round of Democratic debates was not the front runner Joe Biden, or the plucky Mayor Pete. No, the woman leading the Google searches was the 66-year-old failed congressional candidate who may not have graduated college but she did in fact complete the course in miracles. (I wish I was kidding. I’m not.) She also ran a metaphysical bookstore which had a coffee shop. The woman who wants to heal the world also wants to teach you how to be Aphrodite with The Aphrodite Training Seminar which is “designed to help you . . . blend your worldly and romantic desires harmoniously and synergistically.” At only $149, that seems like a lot of bang for your buck. As one testimonial on put it,

On my wedding day I turned to my husband and said, “We can thank Marianne Williamson for this.”

America should be so lucky.

There are, of course, the vaccines.

It seems that on the spiritual plane that Marianne inhabits, vaccines are “Orwellian” and “draconian” and that letting people not vaccinate their children is “no different than the abortion debate.” Which is maybe not the endorsement Planned Parenthood was hoping for.

Who can we thank for bringing this spiritual warrior into our lives? Television? Aliens? Oprah? Probably not Oprah. Williamson put out an intergalactic press release in which she made a list of demands about how she should be professionally identified. She stipulated: “Also not her occupation: Oprah’s BFF or Oprah’s guru. (Or, any title that rightfully belongs to Gayle King.)”

No, I’m pretty sure the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of Tom Perez, who wanted to be inclusive and not have “a kids’ table” debate like the Republicans did in 2016 because Democrats are nice and fair and happy to invite space princesses from the Eighties to participate in our presidential nominating process.

On Thursday night Marianne Williamson made an exceptionally strong case for why people who officiated Liz Taylor’s wedding to a construction worker she met in rehab shouldn’t be allowed on a debate stage. She said a lot bizarro stuff in her interesting 1970s California accent but it was her staunch anti-plan rhetoric that might have been the most puzzling:

I have an idea about Donald Trump. Donald Trump is not going to be beaten just by insider politics talk. He’s not going to be beaten just by somebody who has plans. He is going to be beaten by somebody who has an idea what this man has done. This man has reached into the psyche of the American people and he has harnessed fear for political purposes. So, Mr. President, if you’re listening, I want you to hear me please—you have harnessed fear for political purposes and only love can cast that out. So, I sir, I have a feeling you know what you’re doing. I’m going to harness love for political purposes. I will meet you on that field and, sir, love will win.

Which, if you can believe it, was actually the toned-down, respectable version of how Williamson believes Democrats need to beat Trump:

There are a great many reasons why Democrats should not let people like Marianne Williamson into their presidential process.

One is that every minute Marianne Williamson spent talking could have been gone to a serious candidate discussing climate change or immigration or peace in the Middle East.

Another is that fringe candidates provide fodder for Trumpist media outlets to make fun of Democrats as being the party of moonbeam politics.

But the biggest reason not to let fringe candidates into the debates is that sometimes one of them becomes president.

Molly Jong-Fast

Molly Jong-Fast is a contributor to The Bulwark and the author of three books. Follow her on Twitter @MollyJongFast.